03.07.06
Posted in life, friends, miscellaneous stuff, drama, linus, mary j. blige, work at 8:06 am by admin
Oh, drama.
Mary J. Blige wants no more of it. I, in contrast, assert that the idea of being drama-free may in fact be misguided, and quite frankly a little bit stupid. Honestly, what is this “drama” that so many people claim to be free of in their online personal ads?
In order to answer this perplexing question, I have to gather some of the more dramatic incidents in my life that have occurred over the past few months. So, it’s time to make a list!
- Running out of gas on the freeway.
- Working tons and tons of hours trying to complete a really complicated project for work to meet a really important deadline
- Having my bicycle stolen from the garage
- Linus, my kitten, jumping off the balcony and nearly killing himself
- Ending a 5-year relationship and moving across the country
- Being abandoned by someone I was dating on New Year’s Eve
Wow! That’s a lot of drama. But for some reason, when I look back at that list, I don’t really see those things as drama. They’re just things that have happened to me. So, how does that list translate into drama? I think I’ve found the key. Drama isn’t perpetuated by the things that happen to you, but how you deal with them.
Certain people claim to have the ability to avoid drama, but it seems to me that this is just a bad attempt at abstinence. Running away from life experiences to avoid dealing with them is just plain stupid. The secret to not being overwhelmed by drama is knowing how to handle it, and take it in controlled doses.
I’m not always good at that, but I’m working on it. Some of my friends might say that I thrive on drama, and maybe I do, but that’s because I don’t want my life to be boring. Would people watch Desperate Housewives if nothing interesting happened on the show? How can I be interested in my own life if nothing ever happens in it? I realize that there are no ratings at stake, and that I need to be careful not to blur the fantasy/reality line, but there is a lot to be said for a little variety.
Drama is created when you get involved with people who are … different. Drama is created when you take risks. Drama is created when you do something outside the norm. To the dismay of many of my friends and acquaintances, that pretty much is a textbook definition of my life, and there really isn’t any escaping it. Even if there was, I doubt I would ever even try.
As long as I can keep my head on straight, and I remember to reflect on rather than obsesss about the things that happen to me, I suppose there’s no harm in having a maneagable dose of drama in my life.
I like hanging out with the crazy people. I thrive on having a challenging job. Linus enjoys taking death-defying leaps from the balcony, and it certainly makes for a good story to tell. Having my bike stolen sucks, but there has to be a lesson to be learned from it.
So I say, bring it on.
Tags: drama, friends, life, linus, mary j. blige, work
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02.14.06
Posted in life, miscellaneous stuff, anger, baja fresh, customer service, elderly, fry's, retail at 8:08 am by admin
My biggest mistake was thinking that it would be alright for me to go shopping on an empty stomach. I can get cranky when I haven’t eaten anything all day, but Fry’s Electronics was on the way to Baja Fresh, so it seemed completely logical to stop there first.
As I walked through the crowded parking lot towards the giant Egyptian pyramid-themed electronics store, something caught my eye. The inclined automatic walkway that leads to the doors had a group of people just standing on it. At that moment, as one of my worst pet peeves was realized, I knew that this was going to be an especially fun shopping trip.
The purpose of an automatic walkway is not to allow you to stand still and be taken where you’re going. The benefit of this Jetsons-like contraption is that it allows you to get where you’re going faster. While I haven’t figured out the exact mathematical formula, I would guess that you can double the speed of your walk by walking up the moving walkway. However, the people entering Fry’s (awfully close to closing time, I might add) would have none of that. This walkway was there to keep their poorly toned calves from having to perform one single unit of extra work.
As I approached the moving walkway, luckily the lazy people had just stepped off. It would have been a shame if I had to walk through their little crowd of sloth at a reasonable human pace.
This was by no means a pleasure trip. I was braving Fry’s on a Sunday night to find a replacement for my LCD monitor which was on its death bed, flashing on and off repeatedly at the most inconvenient times. So, naturally, my heart was full of joy. After browsing around awhile I found a 20″ Samsung LCD that looked great, and the price wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected, so I approached the salesman.
He was a young, acne-ridden gentleman with a lazy eye who seemed to be easily distracted. Perhaps it was because he was always forced to look in two directions and the same time, but he seemed unable to provide me with any assistance in retrieving the monitor I wanted to purchase. He was distracted by a large man who wanted to inquire about purchasing a small monitor that was placed onto a particle board desk as a display prop. The monitor was clearly several years old and only being used to show how conveniently a monitor could be placed on this piece of substandard furniture, and for some reason this translated into a very long exchange between the lazy-eyed salesman and the large man.
While I waited, I noticed two elderly men arguing over the difference between Windows XP SP2 and Windows XP Media Center 2005, another fat man walking around and clapping his hand occasionally as though he was participating in a performance of Hall & Oates’ Private Eyes that no one else could hear, and another thoroughly displeased group of customers who were also waiting to purchase monitors but were being thwarted by the salesman’s inattention.
At that point, I walked out. I couldn’t take waiting anymore, and I had tacos waiting for me only minutes away. As I quickly stormed through the store, all the thoughts that normally cross my mind in bad customer service situations came flooding back: Should I go tell the manager? I’ll tell him that I was going to make a purchase, but now I’m not! That’ll show ‘em! What’s the district manager’s number? Maybe a phone call or a letter is in order!
But then, a feeling of peaceful acceptance washed over me. I simply let out a sigh and decided that I would save my monitor shopping for Monday evening, at a different location. And that’s exactly what I did. I went out to my car, turned on my iPod, and drove away largely unaffected by the irritating ordeal that I had just endured. Perhaps living in Northern California has taught me something about being calmer, more diplomatic, and not wasting energy on unnecessary anger.
Or maybe I was just really craving those tasty tacos.
Tags: anger, baja fresh, customer service, elderly, fry’s, life, retail
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02.01.06
Posted in rants, politics, bush, miscellaneous stuff, abramoff, congress, democrats, george bush, george w bush, hillary clinton, jack abramoff, republicans, satire, state of the union at 4:05 am by admin
9:10 - Old man introduces the President. Wow, fancy seeing *him* here! Georgy shakes hands with tons of people who aren’t afraid to touch him (they must not be trying to get re-elected this year).
9:11 - Bush still walking down the aisle. He kisses a large black lady — could this be his Monica? Perhaps she gave him the tie he’s wearing? Where’s Linda Tripp when you need her?
9:12 - Cut to Laura clapping for him. She’s so stone-faced, she makes Hillary look friendly. Bush shakes hands with the various people on the front row who paid for VIP tickets. Are those the sounds of booing? Have I lost my mind, or is this just wishful thinking?
9:13 - Don’t forget Dick Cheney (aka the Emperor) clapping behind the podium.
9:14 - Bush is officially announced. Even John Kerry is clapping and smiling! … Bush opens the speech with a religious reference to Coretta Scott King reunited with her dead husband in Heaven. Praise Jesus!
9:15 - Need to check the definition of “rostrum“. “It’s been my honor to serve you.” Great! Now it’s time to resign!
9:16 - Bush says not to be angry, and that we should all get along. That’s a funny one, George. Tell another!
9:17 - At this point, isolationism actually *does* sound awfully inviting. Do we get to have a vote on that?
9:18 - The first 9/11 reference of the night. How many more do we have to look forward to? Ooh! “Weapons of mass destruction”! This is sounding familiar.
9:22 - Blah blah blah. Stay the course. Blah blah blah. Hate our freedom. Blah blah blah. Can’t retreat. Won’t retreat. Never surrender. Corey Hart would be proud.
9:23 - Oh my God! He just did that jaw thing that coke addicts do! I had heard about it but never seen it in person! Laura is totally zoning out.
9:25 - Bush says criticism is fine, as long as it’s not “defeatist”. In other words, if you disagree with him, it’s a problem.
9:27 - “Wow, I sure do like it when they clap for me!”
9:29 - Everyone clap for the conveniently placed dead soldier’s family. The applause won’t bring back your child who died for a war based on a series of lies, but this is nice.
9:30 - “Let us never forget the sacrifices of America’s military families.” Like Cindy Sheehan, who your cronies had arrested prior to the State of the Union?
9:31 - Mentioning that Hamas got elected in Palestine might not be the best argument for democracy worldwide, Mr. President. Just because people can vote doesn’t mean that they will vote in their own interests. The 2004 election in the U.S. was a great example of this sad truth.
9:32 - “Iran … must come to an end!” He said “nuke-u-lar” twice! People playing the State of the Union Drinking Game must be totally plastered by now. Speaking directly to the people of Iran, Bush says “won’t you be our friends?” I’m guessing that tons of Iranians are watching this speech right now. Bush *has* to be at *least* as popular as Desperate Housewives in Iran.
9:35 - “Terrorism here at home”. Is this where we start talking about illegal wiretapping? Does it even get a mention tonight? The jaw thing AGAIN!
9:36 - 9/11 mentioned again. Two of the hijackers placed overseas phone calls. I see where this is going. Here we go… “Terror surveillance program”… HAH! Here go the talking points… Congress was informed, past presidents have done it. “If there are people in our country talkin’ to Al Qaeda, we wanna know about it!” Do you think that’s exactly how his speechwriter put it? Hillary thinks that’s REALLY funny.
9:39 - “Freedom is on the march!” We haven’t heard that in a long time. Bush mentions “presidents of both parties”. That surprises me. Is he acknowledging that a president might be elected from another party? Hillary seems less amused, but that Jolly Rancher she’s sucking on sure seems tasty.
9:40 - “Seeing some old Temptations return…” Ladies and gentleman, all the way from Motown, the Temptations! No one told us that there would be special celebrity guests!
9:42 - Obvious lie #1! He says the tax cuts have put money into the hands of working families. That’s a funny story, since the tax cuts were for the top 1%. Now he wants the tax cuts permanent! And the Democratic side of the aisle stays seated.
9:43 - More than 143 programs are being eliminated. I hope one of them is Hannity & Colmes. We’re cutting the deficit in half by 2009. Pass the line item veto!
9:46 - “Congress did not act on my plan to reform Social Security.” Every Democrat stood up and cheered! HAH! Finally he says something the Democrats can appreciate. The jaw thing again!
9:48 - Screw the scandals in government. As long as we can keep the Mexicans out, everything will be fine!
9:49 - Apparently electronic record-keeping and investment accounts are the solution to expensive health care. Gee, I wonder who’s going to get those contracts? Does Diebold do that? How about Halliburton? Also, we need medical liability reform so those ob-gyns can practice their love on women.
9:50 - “Hello, my name is America, and I’m an oilaholic.” Yet another “nuke-u-lar” mention, but this time in regard to energy. Very surprising to hear Bush talking about alternative fuel sources. I’m guessing he has his fingers crossed behind his back. Or he’s about to yell “psych!”
9:52 - “…Make our dependence on Middle Eastern oil a thing of the past!” As soon as we can find a way for Halliburton to make lots of money off of it.
9:54 - Ah, good old No Child Left Behind. We’ve made a ton of progress with that! Just ask teachers that are sick of teaching to standardized tests because they’re terrified of losing funding.
9:57 - Unethical conduct gets a brief mention. Wow, that was impressive. Awww, ovation for crazy Alito. That’s neato.
10:00 - Now we talk about ethical reforms. Bush supports those reforms. That’s great. I wasn’t sure which side of the ethics issue he was going to fall on.
10:01 - Laura stands for her own standing ovation! Another wacky Bush jaw movement.
10:02 - Zoom in on Senator Mary Landrieu. It’s sad that I recognize her. But it was really nice when Anderson Cooper yelled at her about rats eating a dead body in the street. That’s why I remember her. Because she’s such a useless piece of politically driven trash.
10:06 - Thank God it’s finally over. Now it’s time for Bushy to exit. He yells something to someone who gives him a thumbs up. I think I lip-read him yelling, “Sure, I’d love some illegal campaign contributions! Give me a call on the red phone!”
10:08 - Mary Landrieu kissing Bush’s ass! Awww, what a perdy little Republican in Democrat’s clothing she is. Bush doesn’t have much time for this. He has more autographs (or Executive Orders, perhaps?) to sign. Note to self - check eBay tomorrow for autographs.
10:10 - Some woman… “Mr. President, I loved the part about alternative energy!” - “I knew you would!” he replies. I guess that’s Abramoff’s replacement at the firm, thanking him for the favor.
For some actual facts about the things Bush said tonight (instead of my snarky, mostly useless blathering), go here: Think Progress responds to State of the Union fact-by-fact
Tags: abramoff, bush, congress, democrats, george bush, george w bush, hillary clinton, jack abramoff, politics, rants, republicans, satire, state of the union
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Posted in gay, movies, yahoo, miscellaneous stuff, work, brokeback mountain at 12:47 am by admin
I’m excited that Yahoo! is going to be offering a free employee screening of Brokeback Mountain on Thursday in our company cafeteria. I imagine that they’ll roll out the big screen, and that the chances of getting my feet stuck to the floor on my way to my seat are extremely decreased.
The cost of the movie ticket? $0.
The cost of the snacks? $0.
Seeing which coworker cries first during a gay cowboy movie? Priceless.
Tags: brokeback mountain, gay, movies, work, yahoo, yahoo!
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Posted in youtube, miscellaneous stuff, linus, cat, cats, fetch, funny, kitten, kittens, movie, pets, tricks at 12:03 am by admin
Linus, my 6-month old kitten, still amazes me sometimes. Cats are supposed to be snobby and aloof. Linus, however, won’t have any of that. Just watch the video and see for yourself. Oh, and please ignore the trash bag.
YouTube - Linus Fetches!
Tags: cat, cats, fetch, funny, kitten, kittens, linus, movie, pets, tricks, youtube
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01.30.06
Posted in music, gay, andy, miscellaneous stuff, drag queens, nightlife, san francisco at 8:41 am by admin
One of my favorite bar trends is the ever-so-tasty Internet jukebox, which allows bar patrons to choose songs from pre-selected tracks, or download tracks from a library of 140,000 songs. This obviously can be a blessing or a curse because it makes the musical experience at the bar completely hit or miss. There are certain expectations that gay men have when it comes to nightlife and its accompanying soundtrack. Classics like Vogue and It’s Raining Men fall into the acceptable category, but the freedom that the Internet jukebox introduces to the evening means that at some point the evening is likely to be interrupted with Enya or Barry Manilow.
On Saturday evening, my friend Andy and I took a trip to a local San Francisco bar, where I dropped $10 in the jukebox (with my debit card, naturally) and proceeded to manipulate the evening’s music. I’m used to having to wait for over an hour for my songs to come up, but that particular evening I was incredibly lucky, since I was barely through one cocktail when my first song came up.
The highlight of the evening was when Private Dancer played (Andy’s choice) and a lovely overweight drag queen straight out of a John Waters film, with bushels of chest hair overflowing from her natural cleavage, proceeded to perform a stunning lip sync routine to the song. A gaggle of queens sauntered into the bar mouthing the words and quietly singing to themselves and Andy looked at them with a sparkle of self-satisfaction in his eyes, feeling personally responsible for creating this moment of magic.
Because I’m a control freak, the opportunity to force everyone else to endure my selections of Cyndi Lauper, Erasure and the Pet Shop Boys almost guaranteed that I would stay at the bar long enough to hear all 14 songs that my $10 bought. The only thing more intoxicating than my vodka and lime on the rocks was the thrill of controlling the bar’s playlist. It’s obvious that in the wrong hands, the jukebox could easily send an evening into chaos. One moment we could be dancing to Madonna, and the next moment we could be deafened by the shrill, banshee-like moans of Yoko Ono.
This, however, is the risk we take for having the opportunity to play DJ, if only for a night. How else can you get that special feeling that can only come from seeing an overweight middle-aged man in a blonde wig tapping his hairy, happy feet to your song of choice? Who says the American dream is dead?
Tags: andy, drag queens, gay, music, nightlife, san francisco
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01.28.06
Posted in life, yahoo, miscellaneous stuff, work, caffeine, coffee at 3:12 am by admin
I’ve had a lot of crappy jobs in the past. Moving to California at the end of last July to come to work for Yahoo! was a dream come true for me because I always thought that a job at one of the “big names” in Silicon Valley would be the “holy grail” of web development positions. I ended up getting a lot more than I bargained for.
This company really takes special care of its employees, and the industry is taking notice. Yahoo! has, for the first time, made Fortune Magazine’s 100 Best Companies to Work For list, coming in at #73.
In honor of the special recognition Yahoo! received as being a great place to work, I thought I might, as an insider, share some of my favorite things about working here.
- All the espresso and lattes you can drink. How many shots do you want? One? Two? Eighteen? NO PROBLEM! They’re free, people. Not from some crappy machine that the office manager has to clean out every night, but from real baristas, like Starbucks, but organic (the coffee, not the baristas). And they have polystyrene cups! If you’ve never experienced polystyrene cups, let me tell you — they ROCK. Your hands never get hot, they’re more eco-friendly, and you don’t need those stupid corrugated java-jacket sleeves, so you have less moving parts with your coffee!
- Free valet parking. You can have someone park your car for you for free every single day, and the valet company doesn’t accept tips, so it really is free.
- Onsite haircuts available every Tuesday. And they’re decent haircuts! They’re affordable, and only 500 feet from my building, which is a big plus.
- A kick-ass free 24-hour gym. Sure, corporate gyms are plentiful. But the one at Yahoo! is open 24 hours daily, and it’s free! They have tons of equipment, much of which rivals the stuff at expensive gyms to which I’ve paid absurd amounts of money.
- An incredible holiday party. The Yahoo! 2005 Year End Party was amazing. Ice martini bars, a cajun buffet, and Earth, Wind & Fire. The most entertainment I’ve ever had at a holiday party at other jobs usually involved the boss’s Aunt Betty playing “Jingle Bells” on the piano.
- Tons of other perks. We have a whole directory of great things we get discounts on, from Apple, Dell, Office Depot, and we can also buy discount movie tickets! There’s onsite dental care, oil change & car wash, great health benefits, a subsidized public transit program, and a whole bunch more.
So, you may be asking, how can I work at Yahoo!? The answer is simple! Just check out careers.yahoo.com!
Link: 100 Best Companies to Work For: Yahoo!
Tags: caffeine, coffee, life, work, yahoo, yahoo!
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01.26.06
Posted in rants, life, miscellaneous stuff, blogs, california, eastcoast, groceryshopping, mark, mentalhealth, newjersey, newyork, petpeeves, westcoast at 9:30 pm by admin
Wow. Mark just published what I hope will be the first of many amusing blog posts. When I read his first entry it had a familiar feel to me, but not because it was written by Mark. Instead, it made me recall a time when I was a bit more insane and prone to ranting:
“…I am constantly trying to make my way past people pushing their grocery carts at negative speeds down aisles and around corners, the same people stopping all over the place at pure random to read their coupons or examine the chewing gum stuck to their wheel or decide which brand of mix-it-yourself fiber drink will best help them to reestablish their pooping habits.”
Wow. Things like that were one of the reasons that I started this blog to begin with. Some of my co-workers at Tommy Hilfiger in New York City thought that my rants were amusing, and that I should write or podcast them down. The reality is that I fear I may have lost my edge. I’m not as easily irritated anymore, and while that’s obviously better for the people around me, it might very well be the death of one of my more “interesting” qualities.
There was a time when I thought that everybody in line at the grocery store was placed in my way by an act of God (or “Jebus”, as Mark so eloquently describes our Lord and Savior) solely for the purpose of annoying the hell out of me and making me late for work. Now, those things just don’t seem to get under my skin nearly as much. I go into the grocery store with my iPod earbuds in my ears, and while people are knocking down all the Lean Cuisine flavors and mixing them up, or blocking the aisles with their carts, I’m in my own little world enjoying the soothing sounds of the Theivery Corporation.
Maybe it’s true what they say. Maybe Northern California really does soften a person. Coming from the wild madhouse that is the New York / New Jersey area, the pace of life here is a lot different. For someone like me who is a bit crazy (and thus medicated) this may be a good bubble to live in. The question is, can I continue to produce gems like my rant about attending a concert in New York if I’m simply not affected by life’s petty annoyances anymore?
Keep reading and find out. 
Link: Newsflash (Mark Paretti’s blog)
Note: I do not present Mark’s rant here for the purpose of making him seem insane. I attribute it to the East Coast way of life. Mark also drew a very important distinction between him and myself in an IM conversation earlier (as we discussed the annoying woman he encountered in the parking lot who couldn’t back her vehicle out properly):
(1:09:15 PM) Mark: well, the difference is, you’d tend to freak out a bit more. It all annoyed me…but I sat there patiently waiting for her to back out, etc…in my head I was just thinking how incredibly annoying her existence was to me
Tags: blogs, california, eastcoast, groceryshopping, life, mark, mentalhealth, newjersey, newyork, petpeeves, rants, westcoast
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Posted in miscellaneous stuff, psychology, money, selfhelp, success at 1:46 am by admin
“Steve Pavlina is a blue-eyed, colorblind, left-handed, well educated, vegan, lucid dreaming, purpose driven, happily jobless, reality manipulating, meditation practicing…”
The list goes on and on. This guy, at first glance, reminds me of a Tony Robbins motivational speaker combined with one of those late-night infomercial moguls — you know the ones: “Makes $10,000 per month by simply placing small classified ads in your local newspaper! The checks will pour in on a daily basis! Call now!”
All kidding aside, his Million Dollar Experiment actually sounds quite fascinating. The whole purpose of this experiment is to test his idea of the intention-manifestation model of reality. I know it sounds complicated, but the idea is that the road to success is paved with good intentions, since intentions translate into actions.
The purpose of this experiment is to see what happens when a large group of people all focus on the same intention - to have $1,000,000 come into their lives and the lives of all others participating - for one minute daily, and to observe and record the result. So far, the “manifested” total across 719 participants is $164,530.72. This includes the value of things that people might find on the street, loose change found in the couch, or unexpected windfalls.
One of the more odd aspects of this experiment is the superconscious component — trying to determine if having each participant focus on the intention can strengthen the success of the group as a whole. Mind you, this isn’t a true experiment since there is no control group, and no scientific method is being followed. However, I think it’s pretty likely that the subconscious act of focusing on attracting wealth might open a person’s eyes to previously unrecognized opportunities.
It’s understandable that some people might be skeptical of this mind-over-matter approach to gaining wealth, but I intend to try focusing on this intention on a daily basis, and to see what the effect on my life is. There’s no risk to me, and a little extra positive thinking wouldn’t hurt, especially since I’m a chronic cynic! The worst thing I can possibly learn from the experiment is the same thing I tell myself every time I come home from Las Vegas — that I really do have to work to make a living!
Tags: money, psychology, selfhelp, success
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01.25.06
Posted in miscellaneous stuff, blog, announcements at 11:12 pm by admin
I’m in the process of moving my old Moveable Type blog over to WordPress!!
Tags: announcements, blog
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