08.14.06

Lunch with a porn star

Posted in sex, the internet at 1:06 pm by me

My online introduction to Ricky (not his real name) was really nothing out of the ordinary. Occasionally I glance through my “Who’s Viewed Me” list on Friendster to find out who has been looking at my profile, with the hopes of finding a handsome stranger who was interested, but just too shy to get in touch.

The last time I decided review my catalog of incommunicado stalkers, I was greeted by the smile of a handsome, surprisingly boyish 25-year old redhead named Ricky. His small collection of photos on Friendster had him in various states of business attire, sometimes from awkward angles, smiling with friends, and having a good time.

His profile indicated that he was from Toledo, which wasn’t surprising to me. I seem to meet Midwestern ex-patriots on a constant basis, all of whom usually share the common dream of living a less oppressive lifestyle amidst the streetcars of San Francisco. In general, these boys are often shy, warm, and trusting — not yet tainted by the challenges of living and dating in the homo-jungle.

I went right to work by sending a “smile” to let him know that I’d like to chat sometime, and soon we were having the usual back-and-forth banter that I’m used to when talking to boys online. Before too long, we had arranged to meet for lunch on Sunday. As we were solidifying our plans and deciding where to meet, he nearly shocked me from my desk chair onto the floor.

“I mentioned I’ve done porn, right?” he asked me.

“Ummmm… no,” I replied, not knowing exactly where this was going.

Ricky went on to provide me with his porn name and suggested that I should Google it. At first, I was only able to find an extremely overweight man with that name, not realizing that the SafeSearch feature was enabled. After fighting with Google for the right to find dirty search results, I came across the proof that I was looking for.

There he was — this redhead Midwestern boy, sprawled out across beds and bathroom counters in various states of penetration, clear as day. I surprised myself when the first thought that came to my mind was, Wow, he looks a lot better in these pictures than the ones on Friendster! I clicked on a few of the free 30-second preview clips to see my new acquaintance in action. Of course, now everything had changed.

After the shock wore off, I was filled with a sense of total intimidation. I’m generally not incredibly confident when meeting guys online to begin with, and the idea of having lunch with a “porn star” was for some reason infinitely more daunting to me than simply meeting an online connection for lunch. Furthermore, now that I had opened Pandora’s box and looked at the photos and video clips, I wondered if it would be awkward to meet him in person.

In the aftershocks of this new revelation, my curiosity got the best of me and I was compelled to ask him some questions about his experiences, but none of the replies he gave me were nearly as interesting as the bits of information he volunteered without being asked.

“I’ve done [bareback],” he messaged me, “but only a few times, and only with people I trust.”

Ricky told me about his ex-boyfriend who had come up HIV-positive, his plans to get a degree in linguistics, and his desire to find a long-term relationship and have children. We talked about past relationships and how his adult film career affects his ability to find steady dates.

“I won’t date someone who asks me to stop doing porn,” he told me. “That’s fucking selfish. I want to have the option open.”

We also talked about his movies, and I suggested that the photos and clips seemed to indicate a very well-defined sexual role preference — the first and possibly only thing that Ricky and I had in common.

“Two bottoms don’t make a top,” he quipped, “but they can make great friends!”

I wondered if truer words had ever been spoken.

We had planned to meet at Chow, a quaint neighborhood restaurant near the Castro, but when I called Ricky from outside the MUNI station, he was at 24-Hour Fitness signing up for a membership with a friend, and asked me to meet him there.

As I was waiting in the lobby area for him to finish filling out paperwork, I thought about how surreal it was to be meeting someone for the first time, having already seen him completely naked, being fucked in every position imaginable. I wondered if it would make me uncomfortable or nervous. Would my hands shake? Would I stumble?

When he walked out of the office to meet me, it was like he was a completely different person. I looked him over, recognizing the familiar doe-eyes and tuft of red hair, but his face wasn’t vacant and expressionless like I had remembered from the movies. He was an actual person.

This boy is leading a double life, I thought to myself. Had I seen him on the street, I would have never imagined that this innocent boy was employed by the sex entertainment industry, not only once, but several times. Then, it really hit me. This was his appeal. His golden ticket. He was the classic Midwestern twink, and he knew it — and ate it up.

As we sat down to lunch at Chow, Ricky immediately began excitedly telling me a story about the massage therapist who had molested him the day before while he was getting has ass waxed, and how he planned to report it. He boasted that while the waxing of his legs and ass cost him $90, he would be completely smooth for four weeks. His assertiveness suggested to me that this was money well spent. I wondered how many different people would have the pleasure of witnessing this smoothness for themselves.

Mentally, I scratched “shy” from the list of keywords I had used to mentally tag Ricky when I first saw him on Friendster. He began to talk openly about how he had originally received his porn name, and his friends who joined us for the second part of lunch seemed completely unfazed by the discussion. As I chewed on my mediocre lasagna, Ricky and his friends (two guys and a girl) conversed about friends, sex, porn, and surprisingly, church, which Ricky had attended that morning as a way of feeling better and getting his mind off the butt-waxing molestation incident.

On my way home on the MUNI, I smiled to myself as I reflected on this strange encounter. I never thought that a porn star would fit into the categories of people that I generally enjoy having as friends. What’s odd is that in conversations I’ve had with Ricky since that day, I’ve discovered that he’s a fairly stable, well-intentioned and empathetic person — exactly the type of person that I like having around.

At a time of my life when I’m constantly lacking confidence, I wonder if it was fate that dropped the most confident person I’ve ever met onto my doorstep. I like to think that people come into my life to teach me something about myself. Maybe a little of Ricky’s assertiveness will rub off on me.

I realize now that my new friend is not leading a “double life”, as he has no fear of being completely open about all aspects of his life - even ones that involve having sex for money on camera. Instead, he completely owns, accepts, and admits to this part of him with pride, rather than shame. In an almost blasé fashion, he describes it in purely capitalistic terms: “I’ve got something that people want, and will pay to see.”

Point taken.

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