05.23.02
falafel.
i’m beginning to realize something.
i’m not on the minds of a lot of people very often. here’s why. you’re not really anything until people write about you in their journals. the ugly truth about livejournal is that you look at your friends’ postings to see if you were mentioned because it’s almost like someone making a hokey dedication on the radio, or buying you a balloon with your name emblazened on it. it’s a moment of trivial fame, where the name “steven” refers to me directly, instead of the millions of other more interesting ones. people mention the nameless, faceless people they encounter in their journals before they ever mention me… whether it be a cornflake girl, the disappearing nun, the random unnamed mall stranger, the person who looked at them funny on the way to the fruit market, the man on the bus, the man who sold them an apple that had a sticker on it, or the policeman that appeared to make contact but didn’t — phew — are all worth writing about before little old me.
oh well. i realize i sound pathetic. maybe i’m losing touch with reality and / or the people in my life that are meaningful to me. sorry if i seem needy — but i am. very very overly needy.
it’s just kinda lonely to sometimes feel like you exist purely within your own little realm… the measure of how much a person exists (i believe) is directly proportionate to the number of people in the world currently thinking about them and knowing that they exist.
anyway, i have to be going. i think my right arm was just erased from existence.
PS. i know i sound like a selfish bitch… 
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