01.09.02
episode 1
well, this is my first entry, forged by the constant prodding of my forever friend jessica.
to begin, let’s take a moment to understand why i haven’t bothered with a journal in the past.
1. i know how hard it is to tune into a soap opera and have no idea what’s going on. i am not going to take the time to tell you my entire life story, so if you haven’t tuned in to my life in person, you’re just going to have to guess at how everything fits together.
2. my all-or-nothing philosophy. if i’m not going to do this every day, then i shouldn’t do it at all.
3. i’m a lazy f*ck sometimes.
anyway, jessica has made me realize the errors of my ways, so i am going to do my best to try to update this little archive of my adventures. alas, the journey begins.
once upon a time…
so today i took a personal day from my terrible job in manhattan to go and interview for a much prettier, shinier job in new jersey. i can’t take any more of my boss’s (diane’s) degrading attitude and i’ve sucked everything i can out of this job, and it’s sucked everything it can out of me emotionally, so it’s time to move on… sort of like when you realize you simply can’t fit into those pants anymore.
the interview went very well… i interviewed with a nice normal guy named daren first, followed by a weird, introverted techy guy, and then, finally, daren’s boss. i found it funny that although she has a foreign name (zaed) that she commented on how pleased she was that she could understand me, since i was the only candidate with a decent grip on the english language. the job sounds promising, and i think they might really be interested in hiring me… i’ll know tomorrow. until then, if you hear a loud noise, it’s my stomach turning with nervousness (mixed with indigestion from taco bell’s “grilled ’stuft’ burrito”). isn’t it amazing how companies can mispell their products’ names and it’s “cool”? yeah, i mean nick-at-nite, bud lite, and kool cigarettes.
mark (that’s my boyfriend, for those of you who are NOT supposed to get a background biography) has been playing donkey kong country a lot lately… it’s been funny watching him turn from a 23 year old man to a 15 year old teen boy. it’s very cute. 
my new $79.95 scale that tells body fat composition has this little light that comes on when you’re obese. apparently i need to start shopping at big and beautiful. oh well. time to become anorexic, or something along those lines.
in our next issue (if i feel like it):
* ronda (my migraine-getting cookie monster-loving reeses-eating second mommie-sister)
* laura (the texan across the office who makes me listen to hanson)
* the meaning of life
* 10099 ways to drive your man wild in bed
* 16 secrets to healthy cuticles
… oops.. i hate when i fall into my personality that writes for cosmopolitan.
ramblings:
pepto-bismol tastes like liquid candy hearts on valentine’s day. kraft fat-free mozzarella cheese should not be allowed to be called mozzarella or cheese. everyone in the world should have to have a unique name, like on AOL, so that no one ever gets confused. if i mention jessica49949 and jessica2020x, you will know exactly which one i am talking about each time. i figure that will be the case by the time they start putting the microchips in our tongues. old people should not be allowed to have their daughters-in-law sue the carnival cruise company just because they trip over the lip of the bathroom door and break their hips. being old means realizing that sh*t happens to you.
song quote of the day:
there’s a bridge i need to burn before i leave
i just wanna breathe again
like a summer day i need to feel the heat again
i only wanna keep the stone from rolling
i only wanna learn to feel the rain
then maybe i could stop the leaves from falling
i only wanna learn to freeze the flame
i know i’ll be alive again.
– Cher (whose face happens to be falling off, according to star magazine)
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