12.19.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 11:41 am by admin
today was not the best day. i had to work, and it kinda sucked. also, i made the biggest fool of myself today. i have to admit, i get like this sometimes, and it’s not really that good of a thing. see, i was worried for absolutely no reason… about stupid things. 
but i really don’t want to talk about it right now, because it’s been a pretty hard day.
i sat around at work and did virtually nothing. well, almost nothing… because i thought. after reading ryan’s diary entry, i have to admit that i’m a little bit upset. i didn’t say anything to him about it because i didn’t want to make a deal about it, but i’m a little bit upset that i’m going to be out of town for 3 weeks as well.
this is kinda hard for me to say, because i know that more people than just myself have access to this thing… but i’ve had such a good time with ryan the last two days, and it worries me that when i leave he’ll just kinda forget about me. no matter how loud i scream cher songs in his ear, distance (even short term) can make things odd.
i thought a lot about what happened last night too… i had such a good time, and it was such a simple situation. that just blows me away, because i feel like i have this connection with ryan… i dunno… but i had a great time.
the thing i hate about this game though is that you never know exactly what the other person is thinking at the moment. the end of the night was so awkward for me, because i didn’t know what to do. what’s funny is that i’m getting this sick feeling in my stomach now that is reminiscent of last night… so let’s discuss the situational possibilities.
the reality of it was that i really felt compelled to give the boy a real kiss. and i only feel like a dork right now because i know my diary isn’t private… but if i had done what i wanted to, i would have planted one right on his lips. but i didn’t know if it was appropriate. so i settled for the cheek (you don’t think i was going to settle for NOTHING, did you?) =]
ryan seems to regret that he moved me a little more towards the lips (which he did) but i was flattered. this game is so hard! human dating is not very different from animal courtship because all these little signs and songs and rituals are all present.
kayla just walked in and saw that i’m visibly upset and thinks that i’m being too dramatic. i guess i hafta be honest with myself… and my dear lil’ diary… i really don’t date that much. it’s because the people that i meet are always the wrong people. i just happened to have met a really great person right before i’m going home for christmas. and the fact that he wishes i was staying means a lot to me… but it kinda hurts a little bit too, because i feel like if i go, i may miss out on something that could be really great.
or, perhaps this is just my exhaustion talking. i’m not working tomorrow, and i’m hoping that i can get in touch with ryan sometime tomorrow because i wanna introduce him to my dearest friend kelsie.
in conclusion, i think you can tell so much by a person’s smile. at least i can. sorry that this isn’t much of a deep thought… but i’m too tired to be deep.
No Tags
Permalink
12.18.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 11:10 am by admin
i have to be honest… this day started off horribly, but it has ended in the best way possible.
in the middle of the night, some idiot pulled the fire alarm and it kept me up because the stupid UH cops did not have any CLUE how to turn it off.
i checked out of the dorms today, and now i am staying with my wife kayla.. (we were married for a project in high school.. lol..) she made me pierogies.
we went out with ashley tonight to meet up with Ryan. i must say, i was a little bit nervous, because he said he was bringing people with him, but he was sweet and sat with me, leaving his friends at the table across from us.
i just adore the way he picks at me. he doesn’t like my necklace (my little colorful raver one) but i don’t mind, because he’s not playing games with me. he’s honest.
after house of pies, we went to walmart. yes, walmart. although it may not sound like the most exciting thing to do when you’re with someone you like, i had a really great time. Ryan is such a funny guy.. that’s a quality that i really admire… even more than a british accent!
i really hate to be totally wrong… and there’s always the chance that i may be… but i honestly believe that there’s some chemistry here with this thing. i could be crazy… wrapped up in the moment… i dunno… but it’s been a long time since i’ve met a guy this nice… in fact, i don’t think i ever HAVE met a guy this nice.
of course, the only thing that i can be sure of is that time will tell… but he seems eager to spend time with me, and i’m really happy about that.
in conclusion, never should you make fun of an asian woman’s summer’s eve when she is within earshot.
No Tags
Permalink
12.17.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 11:17 am by admin
for those of you who are interested, i had the best date i have ever had in my life tonite.
sheesh… i’m tired, but i have to write about this.. so where shall i begin? okay.. here goes.
i was so incredibly nervous when he called me to let me know he was outside… but when i walked outside and saw him for the first time, i had absolutely nothing to worry about. he had this huge smile on his face (not just any smile, but the cute kind that can melt you) and i knew that everything was good.
we went to eat at willie’s ice house… we shared some nachos and there were these really strange old people behind us that wanted to strike up a conversation.. hmmmm.. anyways…
afterwards, we went to half-price books and bought some stuff… and then ryan decided he wanted some ice cream. so we went to kingwood and had some ice cream at marble slab. now, i have to say that one of the best moments of the evening was when he flicked ice cream cone pieces at me.
we drove around and looked at christmas lights and i sang cher’s version of “baby please come home” and i was actually able to make ryan laugh. i got more enjoyment out of making him laugh tonite than i thought possible.
we went to angelika after that and saw this lovely movie called “the gambler” with that queen amigdala (lol) girl in it and we joked about it the whole time… after which we went outside and walked around bayou place. i let him have my jacket because he was cold… i told him i wasn’t cold, but i really was… i just wanted to make a good, gentlemanly impression.
now, for my thoughts on the evening. i had the best time that i have had in a long time. ryan and i seem to click so far, and we think a lot alike. i asked him to come to rich’s with me tomorrow night and i hope he does, because i’m really looking forward to seeing him again.
in conclusion, never try to draw a bird on on a camaro owner’s car unless they’re not watching. :]
No Tags
Permalink
12.16.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 9:34 am by admin
my roommate’s infernal snoring is driving me nuts, but still i must press on to continue another diary entry.
know what’s funny? i know who reads this stuff, and i still feel like i’m censoring myself. that’s not a good thing, so i’m gonna try my best to stop. when potential dates read your diary, that’s not always a good thing.
well, one more final to go tomorrow morning… college algebra… and i’ll be DAMNED if i know anything about log, ln, and all that exponential bullshit. i’m sick of school.
it’s been a hard day… first, i went shopping and bought some lovely shiny pants and some stuff from structure, since they extended me a line of credit. i was at the galleria, and i kept wondering what it would be like if i ran into sean… that would have been very odd. oh well.
my mom called me today to let me know that my dad is pretty sick and he has low blood count, but he didn’t want me to know. needless to say, i’m pretty worried, but until more test results come back (from the catscan) i’m not going to jump to conclusions.
i’m in love. JUST KIDDING! i’m waiting for it to happen though, especially since winter is here and i’m cold. it’s this time of year that makes me this way… by the time that summer comes, i’ll be back to my usual cold heartless self. 
well, tomorrow (or should i say today?) is my first “date” or “meeting” or whatever you choose to call it with ryan. i really am not sure what to expect because we seem to be a lot alike in the fact that we both are dominating. that worries me a bit. i’ve been thinking, and i’m prolly gonna surprise him with wherever we go, because i find that guys like that sorta thing. i sure hope he does!
now, i’m not gonna lie here, because it’s true that i happen to have two dates this week. one is with ryan today, and one with sean tomorrow. it’s not like me to have two dates in the same YEAR, let alone the same month, and while it makes me feel kinda special, i wouldn’t be surprised if i mess up on both of the dates… i’m too darn shy. i want to be confident when i’m sober. LOL
both of these boys have very different appearances and very different personalities. the thing that i hate about myself is that i feel guilty because i feel like i owe both of them tons of attention. the truth is, i haven’t even been out with either of them yet, and i owe them NOTHING! so i’m gonna stop beating myself up over this.
we’ll be sure to hear more about tomorrow’s antics in full detail after they occur, as well as friday’s. i’m in no way the “pimp daddy” that laura and natasha have described me as… i just happen to have found the last two guys in the world who don’t yet realize what a handful i am.
well … enough. it’s time for me to sleep so i can get up in the morning when my roommate is no longer snoring and get some more studying done before i take the test.
in conclusion…
don’t eat too much bread… it will fill you up before your meal comes. then they cheat you and give you a smaller meal, but you’re more full. it’s the same way with boys… don’t let them sweet talk you too much, or you’ll get a shoddy portion later but still think you’re full.
No Tags
Permalink
12.15.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 5:11 am by admin
well, i’m happy to say that 2 of my 3 finals are over. i was up until 5am this morning studying for my COMM1301 final and i am proud to say that i think i did well on it.
perhaps my stress is ending? nahhhh.
i’m wearing my superman shirt today, and i must say that it has been an interesting experiment in human interaction. i walked past a huge group of elementary school children today who all screamed “superman!” at me, and while i was amused, i realized that this strange activity is not limited to children, because several of the adults that i work with have participated in the same senseless ranting. hmmmm.
i’m beginning to realize that it is very easy to make generalizations of character about someone by just talking to them online. sean uses this pretty blue text and lots of smiley faces, leading me to believe that he is pretty easygoing. when it comes to ryan, he uses very large, commanding black text that leads me to believe that he is a bit dominating and cynical.
i have to go home now. more later.
No Tags
Permalink
12.11.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 11:11 pm by admin
i had a nightmare last night.
i had this dream that kelly smith and i got kidnapped by a psycho psychology professor and that the only way we got out was because the killer let us drive away to go pick up groceries.
it was a very upsetting to me, this dream, because i was threatened to be hanged by this guy. i took it very seriously.
oh well.
i went to the sma review to day to spy on them for professor schiff to find out if they have his final. they don’t.
my depression is gradually fading away ~ i managed to get a good parking spot two times in a row and that made me happy.
pathetic, isn’t it?
i’m still trying to decide where i want my love life to be right now. that’s never easy for me because i’m surrounded by beautiful boys… sometimes i feel like i’m in the glassware store with my mom at age 5 though… because i can look, but i can’t touch.
in conclusion, don’t try to light a candle upside down unless you find hot wax to be erotic.
No Tags
Permalink
12.10.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 9:03 am by admin
i had a nightmare last night.
i had this dream that kelly smith and i got kidnapped by a psycho psychology professor and that the only way we got out was because the killer let us drive away to go pick up groceries.
it was a very upsetting to me, this dream, because i was threatened to be hanged by this guy. i took it very seriously.
oh well.
i went to the sma review to day to spy on them for professor schiff to find out if they have his final. they don’t.
my depression is gradually fading away ~ i managed to get a good parking spot two times in a row and that made me happy.
pathetic, isn’t it?
i’m still trying to decide where i want my love life to be right now. that’s never easy for me because i’m surrounded by beautiful boys… sometimes i feel like i’m in the glassware store with my mom at age 5 though… because i can look, but i can’t touch.
in conclusion, don’t try to light a candle upside down unless you find hot wax to be erotic.
No Tags
Permalink
12.07.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 7:17 am by admin
it’s amazing the things that you think about when you’re in the car on the way home.
i really do know what it is that i’m looking for but it’s hard to describe. however, that has never stopped me before.
i could tell you about some stupid moonlight strolls or white picket fences, but that wouldn’t be me. so this is what i’ve decided i want:
someone to banter back and forth with who can call me dork in a loving way, and who i can call moron back with a goofy smile on my face.
someone who likes to ride the tram around at the airport and steal the salt and pepper shakers.
someone who doesn’t need some kind of motivation for everything he does ~ he just does stuff sometimes for no reason.
someone who i can’t figure out completely, but in a good way, so that it never gets old.
someone who can tell by the look in my eyes when something is wrong.
someone who is imperfect in his own little way, and who has lovable quirks that set him apart from everyone else.
someone who i can think of and smile.
someone who can be my best friend at the same time as being intimate with me.
someone to laugh at judge judy with who appreciates the funny things in life, even if they aren’t intended to be funny.
and finally…
someone who bothers to check my online diary regularly to see what’s going on in my head because it matters to him.
*****
there are more things that i find important in the kind of person that i’m looking for, but these are the things that came to mind this evening.
each year, as the cold sets in and the holidays begin, i get a little lonely and depressed. i can’t help it.
in conclusion, ’tis the season to take prozac. fa la la la la, la la la la.
No Tags
Permalink
12.05.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 3:19 am by admin
well, so much for dinner.
tommy was supposed to come eat with me, but it didn’t happen, and quite frankly, i didn’t expect it to. oh well.
i’ll tell you - working in this place is difficult. i’m writing my entry from work right now, so it’s kinda hard, but i’ll try anyway.
sheesh. i can’t even begin to explain how horrible today is at work. it’s irritating the hell out of me, but no one who doesn’t work inside of this crazy environment would begin to understand how tough it really can be.
well, i must be going.
in conclusion, arby’s sauce is good, but ketchup is the foodstuff of the gods.
No Tags
Permalink
12.04.99
Posted in introspective, way back at 9:48 pm by admin
it’s raining.
jessica loves the rain, but i guess that it’s a lot better when you have an umbrella. i loaned mine out to Anastasia (pronounced an-AH-sta-SEEyah) and have yet to see it again.
i really could get used to this whole online diary thing, ya know? there’s something really voyeuristic about being able to share your thoughts with the entire world. everyone knows that marsha really WANTED greg to read her diary.
i work today.
at the lovely convergys, doing tech support for compaq. i really enjoy my job, but sometimes i feel like i’m being taken advantage of there. but tommy is going to come have dinner with me tonight, so i won’t feel so alone @ work.
i’ll tell ya - the thing that’s keeping me going right now is that i have an interview to become a resident advisor on monday.
i hafta write a paper and study for finals this week. so my time will be limited.
in conclusion, life is a mystery. everyone must stand alone.
No Tags
Permalink
« Previous entries ·